Thank you Stacie for re-pinning this quote:
Here’s to the crazy ones.
The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers.
The round pegs in the square holes.
The ones who see things differently.
They’re not fond of rules.
And they have no respect for the status quo.
You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them,
disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them.
About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them.
Because they change things.
They invent. They imagine.
They heal. They explore. They create. They inspire.
They push the human race forward.
Maybe they have to be crazy.
How else can you stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art?
Or sit in silence and hear a song that’s never been written?
Or gaze at a red planet and see a laboratory on wheels?
While some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius
~Jack Kerouac
Thank God for Dave! And thank you for reading. This is a very self-indulgent post.
Davy and I talk all the time. I swear my thoughts change according to my hormone levels. And Dave, well, he just goes with my flow [wink wink]. Currently, I am mid cycle. Call me impatient, selfish or CRAZY, but I just don’t get this blog thing anymore and fighting for a space here is a lot of work, isn’t it? My sister Brenda keeps telling me to hold my breath and see where I am at in six months. Six months is almost here and I am still not sure.
See, since I left blogging (late 2006) I see blogs; blogs I love, now rarely updated or abandoned like a broken-down, nuclear-bomb-dust-covered, post-apocalyptic building. These are blogs I love — blogs I still want to read so I do. I see their slow death and wonder if that is where I am headed.
Then there is this whole new world, a world where there are SO MANY blogs, Twitterfeeds, Pinterest Pins, Instagram Posts and diverse BLOGS written by a gazillion different authors. To be back in the game, I have to compete with all of this (yes, I said, compete). I wonder (and wonder if you feel the same) if my time, effort, focus, telling you my son’s near-death stories, writing about my crazy family, talking about my conflicting religious views, commenting on other blogs, linking to blogs, Pinning my Pins, Tweeting my Tweets, replying to other people’s Tweets, setting up business meetings, emailing Blog Organizations, well, I wonder if this effort really makes a difference, at least makes a difference anymore? In August, 2006, I could. Can I a make a career out of blogging (September 2012)? And do I have to step in that gray-truth-adjusted-and-embellished area to climb to the top?
So I ask you, does your effort make a difference?
My answer to this question (sort of): I hoped I could use my BLOG as a vehicle for employment. See, I thought that if people like what they read here, maybe they would pay me to say it somewhere else, or at least employ me to market someone else, (my former career was a Marketing Manager and I was really good at Marketing things). Maybe I should write a book. How about I write a Post Apocalyptic Vampire Nymph novel? Would you buy it?
What I see and what I have talked to Dave about is the fact that long ago I did have my Blog Ball rolling (Thanks to the LOVE and LINK share of Many). I did have an opportunity and was given more opportunities. It was pretty amazing and I just didn’t get it. Because I was comparing myself to others, I was blind to the gifts I was given. And then because I walked away, I threw my gifts away, so-to-speak. Honestly, I just didn’t have the stomach for the competitive, mean-girl behavior.
It is weird. In a lot of ways I am much happier NOT BLOGGING. I do present and in the moment really well now. I mom really well too. I do laundry really well. I am fantastic at loading a dishwasher. I clean toilets better than most. I travel extremely well. I drive the boys to school really well and make sure they are always doing something active. My mom hugs aren’t so bad either. I am good. Ask Dave, I am even good at the wife things. I am actually a woman who really LIKES SEX! Come on, who could ask for more?
Only thing is that when I am offline, I kind of lose me. What BLOGGING does is completely allow me to do something for myself and is also something that I LOVE to do (writing).
Now what to do about my blog?
Do what you love and the rest will follow. Whatever the “rest” turns out to be. It might be nothing or everything you envision or hope for. But, think about it, if you’re doing what you love, what does the end result matter anyway?
I love you, Beth. You seem to be thinking really hard on this and I hope that you find what you’re looking for. xo
Nino, Thank you! I have been thinking a lot about doing what I love. As much as I love to write and as much as I would like to sa it doesn’t matter, it does. I need to feel like I am providing for my family. My time is limited and so I need to spend my time in the right places. I know you understand! That being said, I feel it is paramount to be true to yourself (meaning me to myself).
Thank you, Nino! I love you too and I hope I find it!
Sing it with me, Beth! C’mon, you know this one… You are beautiful. Keep shining!
Remember when you were young, you shone like the sun.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Now there’s a look in your eyes, like black holes in the sky.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
You were caught on the crossfire of childhood and stardom,
blown on the steel breeze.
Come on you target for faraway laughter,
come on you stranger, you legend, you martyr, and shine!
You reached for the secret too soon, you cried for the moon.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Threatened by shadows at night, and exposed in the light.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Well you wore out your welcome with random precision,
rode on the steel breeze.
Come on you raver, you seer of visions,
come on you painter, you piper, you prisoner, and shine!
A few thoughts:
First, I love rules. I really do. They make me feel safe and give me a sense of place. I’m not very good at keeping them, but I really try to, and I love them. Maybe this is why I love grammar.
Second, I am glad you kept on keeping on. Thank you for writing. I hope you will keep it up. I hope you will get the money.
Third, my blog may seem old and broken down, it’s just that I usually only update it when Western General Facilities has a new project for the pleasure of those who enjoy viewing. I am not sure how to do the linking that I wish to link to you, but I understand that it is an important thing to do in the blogosphere. Maybe you can help me? Here’s the link.
westerngeneralfacilities.blogspot.com
If you want to know, I have another website, but it is not alive, like a blog. Here is the link for those who enjoy looking at pretty and unique things or who may wish to entertain a rock star. I wonder if I can link you to that website? Perhaps if you help me figure out how to update it, I can do that.
http://www.machinage.com/pleasure/index.html
And the following are just various reactions to some of what you say above:
I have a Twitter account, but I have no idea how to use it. Pinterest SHOULD be interesting, but I can’t really get into it. We could use your marketing expertise at Western General Facilities, but I do not have a salaried position available at this time. There’s the rub. If you are interested in the second website, that is, the Pleasure Palace, I may have something for you that would be of mutual interest. Email me.
Although I love you and I love reading your blog, no, I would not buy a Post Apocalyptic Vampire Nymph novel. Well, if you wrote it I would, but not otherwise. Maybe write a different book?
I am a really good toilet cleaner, a good doer of laundry, and (don’t tell Pete), but I am so good at loading the dishwasher that I often reload it after my dear husband has done it. The deal is, that I am not very good at getting around to doing these things anymore. I am a pretty crummy wife. I am a mediocre mother and I honestly don’t always enjoy it, much as I really like my kids. So, although I can match you with the household chores, you have me beat on the actual homefront. Too bad for you this isn’t a competition in that realm. 😉
I hear you when you talk about feeling like you may have lost your groove with your blogging. I feel like I have lost out on so many years of acting and filmmaking. I look at the accomplishments of people who have been working at it for years, and I feel inadequate. But that’s the extent of my personal pity party for today. This shouldn’t be about me (Go ahead and say it, “Ah, use yer own blog, ya loser!”) this post is about your self indulgence. I like yours better anyway. Tell me more about the crazy drunken times with fellow bloggers and mommies!
I am really thankful that there was no blogging and no Facebook when I was a teen and young adult. I humiliate myself enough as a woman of a certain age. I’m glad there is scant record of those truly awkward times. I really should not be allowed to comment on other people’s blogs, truth be told.
As for your making a decision of whether your time would be better used blogging or elsewhere, I can only respond in a purely selfish way. I enjoy reading what you have to say. I thought your coverage of HB363 was useful and excellent. I am touched by the stories of your tragedies, and love to hear about your fun and good times. Hey, I like the photos. However, I’m not paying the bills on this piece of internet real estate, so I guess I’m enjoying a free ride. I hope you keep on keepin’ on, Beth!
Jenae, THANK YOU! I love you! Shine on you crazy Diamond!
You have always loved and accepted me for me (even when Orange Car Guy was in the other room — [cough cough] with me). Ok, I need to write about Orange Car Guy. I need to write about that year. You were hands down my favorite college roommate. I am so glad we are still connected! I miss Space Dog! I am glad you helped me find a place for Tonka. At the time, I could not be a RPO (responsible pet owner). I am glad Tony went back to Belize or at least back to LA. Some folks should not be mentioned and I am just sorry Johnny’s house burned down after I talked to him about Emphysema (was it Johnny?). Remember Brenton coming over and remember when they knocked Ted’s house down after Fred got married?
Just yesterday I found a picture of us from that time with our very short hair cuts? Remember how we scared potential roommates away? Jenae, you put a smile on my face. You always do. You are always so good to everyone. Please know we all LOVE you too!
Robin, I am taking time to digest. You said a lot. I sometimes wish Facebook and Blogs weren’t here. Can I take this post back?
No seriously, thank you. Thank you for what you do and for trying to help me. You are always good at helping the strays and I love that about you! Hey and who is this Pete you speak of? I will not tell him about the dishwasher re-load. I promise.
Ew ew, how about this one? You are not paying my financial bills, but you sure paid down my emotional debt. Wait. Not sure if that came out right. I will work on it. Keep on enjoying the ride! Thank you, Robin!
I have no answers, only support. I’ll keep reading as long as you write.
I’ve always thought of the internet as kind of a pretend place. I am not quite clear on how one makes money blogging. I regard people I know only through the internet as pretend people, and our relationship as fake. Maybe that’s why I like the internet so much–because it has the same flavor to me as a novel (and yes, even “Post Apocalyptic Vampire Nymph” because I read just about anything, especially if written by friends).
I can vouch for the fact that Beth is an AMAZING Marketing person. I mean really how fun can it be to market “personal productivity products”? YAWN. But boy you made it fun AND you introduced me to another fun writer, Phil. Remember the email newsletters he would write for me that would have me laughing my head off, but were just not corporate enough? However a few of them found their way through all that. I really enjoyed my time working with both you and Dave.
As someone else said above, go with what you love Beth and the rest will follow. It hurts my heart to hear that sometimes you doubt yourself, or that you look back with any regret. You did what was right for you at that time, Beth, you were broken and hurting and you needed time to heal yourself outside of a glaring spotlight. There’s not a thing wrong with that and nothing to regret. This is a new season in your life, it should have no comparison to the past.
Keep doing what you love, Beth. You really are a good writer and you’ll find your way and people will find their way TO you. We’ll help you spread the word. Although my own personal blog is languishing in a state of suspended animation, it was very kind of you to post a comment or two there. Almost thou persuadeth me to blog again. 🙂
Sara, Your support means the world to me. Thank you! I feel your acceptance and I am grateful! I agree about the internet being a pretend place and even though I think I a writing a true representation of me, it is only a slice of me, which in effect also makes me a little pretend.
Everyday me (as I have mentioned before) is kind of boring. I am happy. I am tired. Today I am not in the mood to make my kids do their chores. It’s life.
Who (except Robin) wouldn’t read a “Post Apocalyptic Vampire Nymph” novel? [wink wink]. Thank you for indulging me, Sara. And thank you for coming along for the ride. I am grateful!
Kim, seriously I need you to be my PR manager or therapist. You are insightful and so gifted with your words. Thank you! You have been on this journey with me you get it — plain and simple.
Thanks for the Marketing Shout-Out. Those were GOOD times. If it were not for YOU & PHIL, I don’t know how I would have stayed awake or survived. Sharpen your Saw is what I have to say about that era (again what is it with the Vaguely inappropriate Mantras?)
Kim, I totally want to go with what I love. Last night Dave and I went on a walk talk while waiting for the boys to finish swim team. He paused and said, “Hey, I think you should keep blogging everyday. I think it will lead you somewhere.” He is right. I think my problem is the lack of faith and my impatience. Dave and I also agreed that I walked away without knowing the potential I had. “You had the security of a job and a job you liked.” Dave commented. That was right. I am so about bottom line, having savings, paying the bills, using coupons, squatting in a friend’s American Fork condo to save cash that I have to forgive myself for letting that opportunity slip away.
You are also right that THIS IS A NEW SEASON! I need to plant my feet in the ground and then move them forward. Thank you for having faith in me, thank you for spreading the word, thank you for indulging me, thank you for showing me kindness, support and love. I am grateful!
Go Kim! I love what you have to say, wherever you say it.
Maybe the format that you choose to write in is changing…perhaps a novel is not so far fetched, perhaps it is the next step??? The process of writing a novel will be different, the editing and filtering with be different and the content will be too but it can be a contiuum in a new kind of waytoo. It depends on what is most important to you right now…the being read part, the being paid part, the writing part. It is okay to prioritize to do and say what you need to say/do.
Thank you, Erin. You are very perspective. Thank you for reminding me about prioritizing and doing what I need to do. I guess my struggle really is trying to figure out what is most important balanced with what I need to do. 🙂
I know I am late in chiming in here but I agree that you should do what fuels your soul. If writing makes you happy, keep with it and who knows what will come your way? I know I have said this before, but I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. You stepped away from your blog when you did because you needed to on a personal level. Now you are back (yay!) and I think that your talent and your honesty will take you forward, perhaps to an unknown place as of now.
I don’t know the first thing about blogging to make a living; my blog is private and serves as a means to keep in touch with friends and family far and wide. I think it’s human nature to feel like you are contributing in a way. Does that make sense? My son is in middle school and I do not work. My hubby changed careers awhile back, and while we all sacrificed during those tough transition years (leaving family, moving to the opposite coast, doing in-home daycare for two 2yr olds and two 4yr olds, etc), he now tells me very tenderly that he does what he does now so that I don’t HAVE to work. It is a huge blessing for both of us for me to be able to be home with our sick child or be able to volunteer or ferry him to activities. But tell me why oh why I hatehatehate when someone asks me if I work?! It is like moms have to justify their existence, or at least that is how it makes me feel. I am great at laundry and couponing and organizing and notsomuch at dusting. I hope to get back to my passions for photography and creating once we get out of a temporary rental and I figure stupid Illinois sales tax! Thanks for listening as always and in some strange way maybe I have added something to the discussion…!?
Andrea, I love it when you chime in! You are never late. I agree that I should do what fills my soul. I also want to contribute. I have been so blessed having the ability to stay home with my sons. Now I feel like it is my time to throw my hat back into the ring. It is scary and obviously filled with a lot of self-doubt. Bottom line is when I do things I love, I am happy and my happiness draws good energy. I am hoping this philosophy will work. Don’t get me wrong, I am sure I will continue to struggle, question and wonder. I think those self-reflective feelings are also part of the journey.
I love the relationship between you and your husband. I love that you can be there for each other. What a good example you are setting for the rest of us! Yay, Andrea!