“Mom, you are so difficult sometimes.” Kyle said after taking a very deep breath and then earnestly tried to explain why a Peanut Butter Pro Bar is a lame pre Swim Team snack.
I think Kyle’s comment was in response to me saying something like, “Kyle, if you are going to ask for something, just ask, don’t get all whiny about it.”
And of course because we were in the car and I was driving my two sons to swim team practice, our snack discussion was obviously preceded by another emergent and catastrophic situation. Yes, seconds before Kyle told me how much his snack sucked, Eli nearly lost his mind, “MOM, MOM!”
“Yes, Eli, I hear you!”
“Mom, I CANNOT WEAR KYLE’S EXTRA GOGGLES! THEY HAVE DARK LENSES AND I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO SEE!”
“You can’t miss swimming, buddy. What should we do then?”
I am sure you have already guessed that Eli’s outburst was a result of our initial where-the-hell-are-your-goggles-Eli conversation. Before the missing-goggles panic set in, I could tell Eli was thinking and thinking hard.
As we picked Kyle up from the bus stop Eli blurted, “Aah, wait. Mom, I don’t have goggles! I lost them. I cannot swim without goggles.”
I knew he was feeling bad for waiting until now to remind me that he had no goggles. I also knew about the missing goggles and also forgot. Nevertheless, it was Swim Team Game Day and the boys were really excited. “Mom, I need goggles.” Eli continued as I foraged through Kyle’s swim bag looking for an extra pair. I did find an extra pair, however, due to the fact that Kyle thought he could take said extra pair home after last week’s practice (he found them in the locker room and finders keepers, right?). I will say no more. Ok. I will say more. Once we arrived at practice Kyle walked the extra, recently “found” pair of goggles inside and we left them on the coach’s desk. No one was there to put them in lost and found.
Back in the car and while still on our way I could tell that Eli could not think and I tried to help or not help by asking him, “Why didn’t you get them from the pool when you were with Dad?”
“DA-AD WAS NOT THERE WHEN I REMEMBERED! Mom, Mom!” (He said Mom, Mom just like this, “Mahh [insert quick and annoyed breath here] ahhom, Mahhhom,” and said it in such a way implying that obviously somehow with my great mom super powers I MUST CONTROL THE UNIVERSE! And because I control the universe, I, Beth Rodgers Adams, lost my son’s goggles. I was not there when the goggles were lost, but, yes, it was me who lost them anyway.
I suggested a resolution and knew we could run into Wal-Mart on the way, for a pair of goggles, if we had to. The cool thing about Eli is after I drove into the Wal-Mart parking (something I would only do in case of a “real” Emergency), I asked him if I could buy him a pair of goggles and after he said, “MOM! REALLY? REALLY? I CAN JUST BORROW SOME! MOM!” (I confess I think I have instilled my People-of-Wal-Mart Fear in my sons). Anyway and because I am so off topic, Eli, well, Eli regrouped and was a champ.
Moments before learning how lame Peanut Butter Pro Bars are, I asked Eli to re-phrase his questions. I gave him a few ideas, suggested that instead of completely freaking out, all he needed to do is tell me about his goggles and then ask for help. SIT DOWN! Really! Sit down! Eli did just that. In a matter of seconds, maybe mili-seconds, he calmed himself down and warmly said, “Mom, I lost my goggles. I don’t have any to wear today. Will you help me get another pair?” [insert my misty eyes here]
After having the privilege of watching and then listening to Eli get his business (shit) together, I want you to know that every second on this Earth has been worth it. Eli rocks and I could not have been prouder. He ended up borrowing a pair of goggles (or I think he did). When I walked in the pool area to see how the boys were doing, I found Eli asking every single kid, “Hey, do you have a pair of goggles I can borrow?” He also promised me that if he could not borrow a pair, he would deal with it and wear Kyle’s dark lens goggles.
It gets better. As Kyle and I walked into swimming, he also regrouped. “So Kyle what would make a good snack?”
“Mom, I like fresh things like fruit, yogurt or maybe some raisins.”
“Anything else?”
“Oh yeah, carrots and brocoli. That would be really good.”
“Carrots and broccoli? Kyle, you are every parent’s dream!”
Amazing! There is hope! My boys show me hope every single day. And in those moments where they are really mad or really afraid of being “less than” because they lost their goggles or won’t have enough energy to swim, they always pull it together.
Epilogue:
Oh yes and because we love the Hunger Games Book Trilogy and to celebrate the Hunger Games record-breaking Box Office Opening Weekend, I was determined to introduce the Hunger Games into a post so why not this one? Alas, I did. As a family we saw the Hunger Games movie this past weekend and absolutely LOVED it. I have to say, evil President Snow is right, “Hope is the only thing more powerful than fear.” Believe me I have been thinking about that phrase ever since I heard it. And driving to swim team I thought, “If we can get through this (hope) instead of worrying about not being able to see while we are swmimming (fear), we will be ok.” We were. I think it is also cool to mention that Dave, Eli & I finished reading the last Hunger Games Book, “Mockingjay”, less than twenty-four hours before seeing the movie. Pretty cool! (Kyle finished the series long ago, of course).
Isnt it great when we have the patience to allow our children to make better decisions! Beth you are awesome! I too saw the hunger games and loved it even though they diverged from the book in the first 5 minutes.
I love that title. It says it all!! Just because we think about all the possibilities of things being lost makes us more responsible!!
Beautiful collaboration with your kids. Master strokes!
This warms my heart. I love how you’re able to reach your boys and talk to them. I hope I’m as lucky when my 8yo gets to that point!
I just love it when adults and kids alike move forward and solve their problem instead of dwelling on them. Eli could have whined about the goggles but you helped steer him toward a solution. Take action, I say! Awesome.
A friend sent me The Hunger Games book for Christmas. I have to say that despite all the rave reviews of the book, I was hesitant to read it. The premise is sort of….icky. But my hubby picked up the book and tore through it. Then since you cannot find them at the library, I got the second book for him at Marshall’s. The third book just came from amazon.com. So I just finished the first book yesterday, my son is reading the second and my hubby is reading the third. Awesome. I did enjoy the book and it is very thought-provoking.
Love you, MOE! I don’t know if it was patience or simply the fact that there was no other choice: Eli needed his goggles for swim team. Crazy kids.
Yes, they totally diverged five minutes in and I think that is one of the rasons I loved it! After they shifted the story, I was no longer making comparisons to the book which allowed me to sit back and enjoy!
Erin, it says it all because it is so long [insert big laughs here]. Thank you! 🙂 Thank you for your words of praise. They mean a lot. Parenting is such a Master Class!
Sunny, I LOVE it when your heart is warm! You will be that lucky because you are such a great mom!
Adnrea, thank you and I am glad you said adults and kids alike moving forward. It is true. If I was not part of the whole dialog I think it would be worse. I totally admit that I dropped the ball on the snack (which I often do). I had to hear Kyle. He was right. I love Eli for being flexible. He is so much like me. He can freak out in an instant yet can also re-group in an instant. I love it!
I am so glad you are reading the Hunger Games. I was a bit concerned with the subject matter. That is why Dave and I read the series out loud with Eli. We wanted to make sure we could address the violence and other more mature issues as we read along. Totally thought provoking!
I love it when kids come up with their own solutions. Too bad sometimes it has to be preceded by a freak-out, but we all need a good freak out once in a while, kids included. I like that you didn’t tell him to stop freaking out but proposed your solution, and then let him choose whether to accept it or not. You let him govern himself. We can’t always do that, but we need to allow it more and more as they get older.
My children and I love People of Wal-mart. We have learned many lessons together about clothing ourselves from that website, and here my children like to quote me as saying, “Pants. Just…pants.”
Also I need to reread the Hunger Games. I didn’t see much divergence in the movie except for where the pin came from.
Sara, I am a little surprised that you have not read the Hunger Games yet. You must read the Hunger Games! Now that I issued you a command, I hope you like the book.
It is cool when kids figure it out. I love watching them process while trying to figure it out. Freak-outs are a part of life; at least in my house. Thank you for backing me up too. As far as letting them govern themselves goes, I am trying, you know what I mean?
Who doesn’t love The People of Wal-Mart. He he he, “Pants. Just . . . pants.” Thanks, Sara!
LOL, I have read The Hunger Games and its sequels. I meant to say “re-read.” And I love them.
Sara, thank you for re-stating. I was scared for a minute. Of course you have read the Hunger Games! Yay!