Grasshopper, Darth Vader and an Old Lady

Easy E. Mission Beach, San Diego, California -- Copyright
Easy E. Mission Beach, San Diego, California — Copyright

i Scene

Begin Scene It is Saturday evening and we are driving home from the delicious dinner we just enjoyed at Sugar House Barbecue.

Dave: You’re going to just keep throwing my words back at me, aren’t you?

(then Dave begins to analyze our discussion style and and theorizes that because we have logged a lot of time together (ten years) and because I have learned his great expostulating techniques, he thinks that I am finally learning how to attack the issues like a real pro, I mean, The Master [yes, of course, The Master is obviously Dave]).

Beth: [laughing] Call me Grasshopper . . . or are you Grasshopper?
Dave: [laughing] No, I am definitely The Master and that would obviously make you Grasshopper.

(In the original television show, Grasshopper was also know as Caine. And with the whole Biblical undertones that the name Caine elicits, I wondered if that would make me Cain and Dave, Abel [wink]?) Anyway, like always, I digress . . .

Dave: Actually, it is more like I am Obi Wan Kenobi and you are Darth Vader, since you’ve apparently turned my lessons to evil purposes.
Beth: [laughs and then in a menacing, scary Darth Vader voice] Luke, I am your father.

[long pause]

Beth: Why not, Eli?

End Scene

ii Scene

Sunday evening while tucking Eli in bed

Eli: Mom, when I grow up I am still going to be a rock star.
Beth: You are? Cool.
Eli: But you can’t be in my band.
Beth: Why can’t I be in your band?
Eli: Because you will be older when I am all grown up.
Beth: You are right, I will be older. I could still be in your band. . . But why can’t I be in your band, Eli?
Eli: [grimaces ] Mom, it is because old ladies can’t be in my band!
Beth: Huh?
Eli: [using the manipulation techniques I have used on him, back on me] But you can watch.
Beth: Watch?
Eli: And mom [smiling and giving a “this is cool” sign with his hands], watching is the best part!

End Scene

9 thoughts on “Grasshopper, Darth Vader and an Old Lady

  1. if you start a band called “Old Ladies” can I be the drummer? or perhaps the stylist?

    very funny, beth! my own son is going through a “don’t sing, mommy” period, where, if i break out into song *at all,* he freaks out like i am assaulting his very being.
    this, of course, means i sing as much as humanly possible.

  2. Hmmm. Well, get him all turned onto some Tina Turner and then tell him she’s a senior citizen. Or let him groove to Sheryl Crow and then remind him that she’s middle-aged.

    Too old??? I don’t THINK SO!

  3. you can SO be in my old ladies rock band, man.

    hey, but i thought the boys were going to be PIRATE rock stars!?!? WHAT HAPPENED TO THE PIRATE PART, MAN?!?!

  4. Oh and Trace, Eli is still total going to be in a pirate rock band, because we all know that he is THEE PIRATE ROCK STAR!

  5. I would pay money to see a pirate boy band. But I’d pay more if there were an old lady in it, too. Please pass this along to Eli.

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