CrazyUs at Blogher 2006


November 2006

Just yesterday I was looking at my email archives and was completely blown away.  I have not really looked at those emails in years. And honestly I cannot believe how many people took time out of their busy lives to email me.   I feel really grateful.  I do not know if I ever really understood how completely amazing what I had was. The emails were thoughtful, hilarious, empathetic and a few of them were absolutely nuts.  I love them all!  My head was so into a blogging black hole five years ago that I think stepping away ended up being one the best things I ever did.  Back then I just did not see how good I had it or understand what a gift I had been given. Time and perspective are such amazing things.


here it is Autumn 2011 and what happened in late Summer 2006 is way yesterday’s news. If you are reading, you probably know that once upon a time I used to blog. For years I blogged every single day and at the time I decided to stop blogging, I had carved out a pretty cool space for myself. Do I have regrets about walking away? Sure. Am I glad I took a break? Absolutely! It’s such a mixed bag.

Now that I am at it again, I feel that anyone who has stuck with me this long most definitely deserves an explanation. In the next few days I will really and truly try to address why I left blogging, where I was when I left and then over the next few weeks I will try to get you all up to speed.  Please do not hesitate to ask me questions and give me your feedback. Five years is a long time and consequently I have a world brimming with crazy, cool and new stories to tell. I only hope I can keep you interested long enough to hear them.


here I was attending Blogher. And deciding to attend Blogher at the very last second could only mean that I was hastily throwing myself into the epicenter of all sorts of confused-social-boundaries, which in turn would be made worse because I, myself, was completely depressed and also most likely the definition of a confused-social-boundary.  Oh Beth! I was in no place to be with a bunch of women, especially women, who like myself, spent their days hyper-analyzing their own lives and the lives of others. There is no one or no thing to blame.  I could have said, “no.”

Once I arrived and walked into the Blogher Arena, (a hotel just a short distance from the San Jose Airport), I knew that I had made a huge and most terrible mistake.   I stood there with sweat droplets accumulating on my upper lip and completely panicked. My panicking only reemphasized the feeling that I had no place being there. Instead of running for the hills (like I should have), with my tears a paralyzed breath from screaming down my face, for some stupid, stupid reason I stayed.

There I was

freaked out and faking calm.  I felt like I should recognize more people. I didn’t and instead I stood mystified, staring at everyone, trying to figure out who they were and consequently, I felt like everyone was staring at me. Of course they were staring at me. We were all in the same boat or better, standing in the same hotel. We all intently wanted to know who the person “really” was behind the screen and if said person also “really” measured up to how they were portrayed.  [Ok, this is not a completely accurate portrayal. Some of these ladies already knew each other.  This was not their first time stepping out from behind their laptop. They were the big sisters in this crazy internet sorority and the simple fact that they seemed a-hell-of-a-lot more comfortable in this atmosphere was something I wished for.]

With a lot of calls to my husband (Thank God for Dave), I somehow mustered my way through the long weekend (in truth, a mere 36 hours), only to make a complete ass out of myself at least five or six times.

Thankfully upon review, I would have to say that there were even a few non-ass-related moments. The very best part of Blogher 2006 was not even Blogher 2006. I skipped most of the seminars, was bored with the rest, was not interested in the parties I attended, and was completely pre-occupied with my recent and most devastating miscarriage. Somehow during all of this, I ended up meeting and then hanging out in the hotel restaurant with Gayla. She definitely started out more business and I liked it.  There was no hidden agenda as to why she was there and because of that Gayla was super easy to talk to and by the end I felt like I could call her a friend, or at least a good internet pal. Gayla reminded me of my groovy, alternative friends I hung out with in high school and college. I loved talking to her about life and not about blogging. That is the truth. She did not seem to care one iota if I was an important blogger or not an important blogger or why I was even there. I bought one of her “You Grow Girl” t-shirts for $25.00. I think that was our conversation opener, “You want to buy a shirt?” We talked plants. That is her thing. Plants and growing them. We also talked San Francisco because San Francisco was right up the street. It was almost as if I had simply met her in the hotel courtyard and we had struck up a conversation over a t-shirt. Oh wait! That is what we did.

(*AUTHOR’S NOTE: GAYLA has a better memory. We met over rice crackers. She saved me because I needed something to eat. The t-shirt came later.)

The other very best part of Blogher 2006 was meeting Jessica. We sat next to each other in some something-or-other seminar and whispered to each other the entire hour. Ok, let me be clear. I am sure there was nothing wrong or boring about the class we were attending. I am and have always been a little ADD and sitting anywhere for long periods is nearly impossible and that weekend sitting still was especially difficult. Thank God for Jessica.  I loved that she knew my background and loved that she could completely relate.  I needed that.  Instead of shh-ing me, I loved that she sat and whispered with me.

Blogher ended, yet, Blogher is not why I ended. I drove myself around a large clover leaf that led me the half mile from the hotel to the airport, hopped on a plane and went home. I cried. I wrote stupid things on my website. I cried some more. I took those stupid writings off of my website. I sobbed. I completely and utterly melted down, fought with all my friends and neighbors – literally (ask them), took ONE GIANT DEEP BREATH and truly from one breath to the next, it was clear. I simply let go. Next, we sold our house in one weeks time — a gift. I moved forward, never really looking back, at least not looking back in the same way.


To be continued Posts:

i’m an idiot Part 2: The Super Brief  5 Year Run Down

i’m an idiot Part 3:

Summary, I Am Not An Idiot, Part 4: the summary

17 thoughts on “CrazyUs at Blogher 2006

  1. At least you were brave enough to go in the first place! Can’t wait to read the rest of the story – I have often wondered what happened. Glad you are back. 🙂

  2. Love hearing your stories Beth. You are thoughtful and sensitive, when speaking of yourself and others and because I’ve been absent from your life for the last oh, 16 years or so, I can’t wait to read the rest of the story either! Have a great day, brave girl.

  3. Cindi, Thank you! 🙂 🙂 I have never known exactly what to say or how to say it. More importantly I just needed to focus on my family. I only wish I had the brain power to keep all balls in the air: family, friends, responsibilities and even my blog!

  4. Tricia, I love you! And love that we share such a history. You know me in the flesh and because you do, your words and opinions mean the world to me. Thank you!

  5. Oh, wow. I used to read here about a million years ago. Glad to see you — and looking forward to the rest of the story. Take care!

  6. You are not an idiot. An idiot would’ve just kept banging her head against the wall and wondering why there was plaster in her hair.
    Glad to see you’re back. I love reading! Love you too!

  7. Thank you, Brenda! You always have my back and always have the most awesome perspective. Your words mean so much to me! I love you!

  8. Longtime reader here who is excited to hear this story but more importantly who is so happy that you are in what sounds like a much better place and able to process/share this background. Love your writing!

  9. I can’t remember how we started talking either, but I think we were introduced via Tracey. I remember giving you rice crackers cause you were crashing and you happened to eat the same brand. Couldn’t have been over the Tshirt because I couldn’t hard sell if my life depended on it! I am the world’s worst self-promoter!

    I like you, Beth. I connected/connect with you because you were/are real. That was a difficult conference for me too. I had a lot of wierd shit going on and it turned out to be bad timing.

  10. I bet it was Rice Crackers and me crashing, Gayla. I did buy one of your You Grow Girl t-shirts and loved it. It was green with a darker green collar. That was a crazy time and I am so glad we connected — to this day.

  11. I remember meeting you at the airport when BlogHer 2006 was over. (I was/am not a good BlogHer attendee. I spent most of that weekend holed up in my room watching Titanic…) I’m so thrilled that you’re back!!!

  12. Angela, I remember you too! I also love that you spent most of the Blogher weekend in your room watching Titanic! That is awesome!

  13. Ah, BlogHer 06. That was the year I met you. And we ditched dinner by the pool and went out for dinner instead. Remember? It was one of my most favorite memories.

  14. Yes, Yvonne, I totally remember dinner with you and Miss Zoot! You guys were wonderful. Thank you for mentioning it. You both were so absolutely cool!

  15. I loved that dinner with you. It was refreshing to have a real and honest conversation. I loved getting to know you that night. I also loved the bread so very much!! I’m so very glad you’re blogging again. xoxo

  16. Thanks, Y! I loved hanging out with you too. Ah, the bread . . . you had to remind me of my wheat allergy, didn’t you? 🙂

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