Here is what I say, and honestly, I cannot say these things enough. First, please learn from my dumb. I sincerely hope my own experience can prevent any undue pain in your own life. Know that these words come from every misstep, impatient move, miscommunication, inconsiderate choice and completely unnecessary fight I instigated. And because I am so slow, it was only recently that I got it.
Where it happened will stay with me forever. We were standing on Rome’s Palatine Hill. It was an unusually warm late November day. Instead of looking at the amazing Roman structures, Dave and I only notice our anger. We stood shouting at each other while boys slowly backed farther and farther away. I am sure they were bowing their heads, rolling their eyes, and saying, “can you believe those crazy loud people? I wish they would stop.” Consumed, I actually did not see the boy backing away. Instead, I was transfixed with my fierce rage. I was screaming, “Dave, shut up! Stop it!” He was mad at me for something I cannot even remember now. Isn’t that how it often goes? And somehow in that utterly consuming moment I stopped myself. I started connecting the dots. And in my mind I said, “Beth, come on. Stop. Think. You are in freaking Rome! You are standing on Palatine Hill. You are with your family. You are with Dave.” My lovely and controlled thoughts are not as glorious as I make them sound. Nevertheless, they were there. The clicks and connections continued. And as we stood on the birthplace of Western Civilization, I got it. Life does not escape any of us. And somehow the simple knowledge that life-continues-no-matter-what moved me past my rage.
Dave and I were looking down here when we were having our epic fight.
Staring at Dave, and listening to him yell, I began seeing every single trip we had ever taken together. On Palatine Hill, he was mad, and I understood. I shut up. I stood motionless. And as remembered all of our travels, I also saw our home life. It was all making sense. I wanted Dave to see it too, and that is when I blurted out, “Dave, stop saying that we cannot travel anymore! Stop saying you will not travel with me! We will fight here! We will fight in Moab! We will fight in Hawaii! We will fight at home. It is not the trip. When we are mad at each other, we fight. The end. And I love you because you fight for me.” Ah-ha, it is not the trip, or even the place. It is the “us.” It is not what we do; it is how we do it. I am still crossing my fingers, but our travel has never been the same.
Me Standing in the Coliseum Rome November 2013
My advice continues, and if I can save you any discomfort now, especially while traveling, please remember this. This is your trip, not mine, or anyone else’s. It is not what you do; it is how you do it. Remember that every personality is different. Do the things you like to do. Do not stress about making your trip perfect. If you are traveling with other people, remember their needs will be different. They always are. Communicate and compromise. Do not assume — no matter what. This is a big one. It is also what I like to call it-is-too-late-to-do-anything-about-it-but-nevertheless-I-am-still-going-to-punish-you backend guilt. Instead, remember to measure expectations ahead of time. People love knowing what to expect, especially when traveling to a new and unexpected place. Bottom line is this. We are not mind readers, especially under the duress of jetlag or a new culture. Ask when you need to ask. Be patient. Forgive yourself and forgive your fellow travelers. I promise that forgiveness will move you quickly past the uncomfortable moments.
Mostly, remember this. Even when you are far, far away, and even when you are on your fantasy vacation trip of a lifetime, lower your expectations. Seriously, lower them right now! Do not fall apart when we do not live up. I promise you we won’t. You will fight. You will get hungry. You will be tired, and I will have PMS. No matter what, we will let you down. It is ok. Seriously, do not let the humanness of humans ruin your trip. Don’t. Instead, make these unexpected moments delightful, the fights on Palatine Hill an epic tale of love and learning, getting lost in Kowloon a hilarious and most bizarre memory. Laugh. Breathe it in and enjoy.
PS And we loved Rome so much we went back a year later.
Side Bar:The Forum and The Coliseum tickets are purchased as a package. The secret short line is at the Forum. Not the Forum entrance close to the Coliseum, but the one up the street from the Coliseum. I will find more accurate directions once Dave wakes up 😉
My life and my plans have been much less easy to map out. I have had a difficult time finding my own way, let alone, my own road. And oddly enough I have had a much easier time planning out our journey. If I want to go to Colorado, Hawaii, or Iceland, Maps become second nature. I find great places to see, and maybe the planning is easy, because right by my side is Dave. Refining. He is always refining the way. That is what he does. I say, “Let’s take a road trip.” He suggests Colorado. I say, “I want to go on a hike or down by the river, “and he finds me Black Canyon of the Gunnison. Similarly, he tells me, “let’s stay in Grand Junction,” and I suggest the Fairfield Inn. “It has a high TripAdvisor Rating.” I tell him. And moments later, and after some online searching he suggests, “And we have two free Marriott nights.” This is our dance – Itineraries, plans, and compilations — whatever you want to call them. I like Mix-Tapes.
Earlier today, the boys and I found ourselves at at our favorite Vietnamese hole in the wall, Oh Mai, eating our Pho and Banh Mi with our friend, Emily. In between bites of Pork Vermicelli with coconut milk and Beef Brisket Pho, Emily paused and said, “Hey, we are going on a road trip.”
“Where?” I asked.
“Western Colorado.”
The occasion of her visit to my neck of the woods was to buy maps for that very trip. We talked about the deep, dark crevasse of Black Canyon of the Gunnison National Park, about Chaco Canyon National Historical Park, which hosts “the densest and most exceptional concentration of pueblos in the American Southwest,” and how it reminds her of Mese Verde National Monument. The boys and I insisted she consider taking her family tubing down the river in Durango.
Somewhere between comparing Colorado National Monument to the Grand Canyon and forgetting to tell her about the ginormous polygamous dwelling we saw the last time we drove east of Vernal, UT, Emily paused and said, “Beth, you know we are taking this trip because of you…” Ok. Probably not literally because of me, but when Emily and I stood in Rome’s Forum talking travel. I encourage, “Anyone can do it. And you don’t have to leave the United States.”
Black Canyon of the Gunnison National Park, Colorado
As we walked from ancient Roman sculptures to an early sunset view of the Coliseum, I continued regaling her with all sorts of information about our trip through Western Colorado. “We live in Utah, and Colorado is like this brother we ignore. Because we have so much in common, we never think to visit.”
Then fast forward to our yummy Oh Mai lunch. Emily liked what I had to say. And I am over the moon that my travel love conveyed. I am really excited for their epic adventure. They are ending with Moab, our beloved pièce de résistance. Take the Delicate Arch Hike. Find the Windows and hike all over them. When you leave, notice the setting sun on the most amazing red rock cliffs, and crazy rock formations. If you get a chance, go to Corona Arch. It is located outside Arches N.P. And when you are driving to Corona Arch, look for the sign that says, “Indian Petroglyphs.” Dude, you literally pull over, and up on the cliffs are all sorts of rock writing. And if you are not completely exhausted, please hike Negro Bill Canyon. Don’t stop half through. Bring lots of water and wear a ton of sunscreen. You must make it to the waterfall. I promise. You will not regret it. Travel well Emily, Nate, and Co.!
Itineraries. I spit them out without knowing I am spitting them out. And if Dave is nearby, which he often is, he will accessorize every road I suggest you take. We are your own Mix-Tape – if that makes any sense. Let me explain. It is our rhythm. I am sure you are not crying right now like I am. I am a big baby when it comes to Dave. And it is hilarious that my own thoughts regarding our cohesive itinerary making/suggesting are currently making misty! Nevertheless, they do.
Vatican City, Rome, Italy
Hey and PS, Emily and Nate, I cannot hear what you call your Mix-Tape. Of course I will leave you a suggestion knowing full well that you guys can do better: “Colorado, our Parallel Universe?”
Side Bar: Traveling through Eastern Utah and Western Colorado will give you the opportunity to visit many fee-based National Parks and Historic sites. Consider buying a National Parks Pass. The 2015 price for a National Park’s Pass is $80.
I am planning our next trip. It kind of goes without saying: I am always planning our next trip. What I am learning as I sit in this roadside Starbucks is that Spring is a hard time for deals. My laptop is plugged in. I am sitting at a very small table, which is next to Eli’s table, which is next to Kyle’s.
We (may) have two weeks to kill before moving into a place. Maybe we will fid a place sooner. We are thinking we will live in Utah for the summer. Wait! Hold up! I know I told you we had moved to San Francisco. We have. Then things happened. We are waiting for news, and in the meantime we are all sick of living in a hotel. Do you realize we have been living in a hotel since January 31? Ok. In truth, we spent the night at my friend Rachael’s, in Dallas on one night in January. Her home was a most lovely stopover on our way to Rome. Needless to say, our suitcases have been packed since January. We are all feeling rough around the edges, and I know it is time to take hold when I suggest simply buying new underwear or Neosporin instead of searching our storage unit for either.
We arrived in rainy, yes, rainy, Salt Lake City late last night. We decided to switch it up and try Salt Lake City’s new downtown Hyatt House. Ok, let me sidebar this post for a second. See, I would hope after staying nearly one hundred consecutive nights in a hotel that we would have learned a thing or two. And here is the most important thing I have learned. After checking in to any place, check the room out first before bringing in your luggage. So at 12:23 AM (give or take five minutes), Dave and I went up to the sixth floor of their “largest” room and immediately saw an issue. The SLC Hyatt House’s one bedroom suite (they call a suite) was no suite at all and had no bedroom. It was a room with a partial divider. Unlike the Emeryville Hyatt House (go Emeryville!) that actually has a true one bedroom (with a separate room and a door that closes), SLC’s Hyatt House completely phoned the one-bedroom. Boo! The very loud music coming from the neighbor’s room was only a secondary reason to exit the building. So with our luggage still in the car, we moved on.
Back in the St. George, Utah Starbucks and back seated at my tiny table, I realize that I have to pee. As I sit there with my full bladder, and look over at my boys, I think about homework on the road. We are all tired and I remember why. Up all night doing laundry. Our Las Vegas Vdara Executive Corner Suite was so large and fancy it had a washer and dryer in the room. Woot! Sure, the Euro-style dryer was a little confusing and took forever. Staying up all night long was totally worth it. I did not have to find a Laundromat.
I am starving. Sitting at my tiny Starbuck table I feel it. As my stomach growls, Eli announces, “I do not want to be here.” I ignore my hunger. I cannot see their laptops. I am not sure if I want to look. I distract myself with Award Travel. I am not having any luck. That happens. So I decide to check out the Points Guy. Dave was telling me just the other day that the Points Guy is sopopular that he 1. has a paid staff now, and 2. apparently makes enough money now that he doesn’t have to use points for hotel stays and just pays cash for really nice places. I log on to his site. Wow. I want to know how to leverage the points I already have. And because we have already signed up for the gazillion credit card deals out there, I am not finding any promising information.
My travel-search-focus is broken. I do not mind. Kyle asks me if I have read “Flatland.” Then he tells me he is reading the book for Biology. “Is it about flat worms in the flatland?” I ask. Later on Kyle asks Dave the same thing. Of course Dave knows that “Flatland” is about a two-dimensional world. When I answer Kyle, he rolls his eyes and stares blankly at me. I love this look, smile, and ask, “Are you giving me teen face?” Of course he is giving me teen face.
Eli wants to go to the car. This Starbucks is loud. I do not blame him. Instead I say, “Dude, this is your time to do homework.”
Maybe I can look into a Youtube channel. My marketing team (Kyle and Eli – hey, do not underestimate the perspective of the teen mind) keeps telling me I need one. I look over at Eli. He puts his headphones back on. I feel for my boys. Our life is disturbed for a reason. We are waiting for news on Dave’s company. Wait or no wait, I know that nothing about Kyle and Eli’s current school life is easy or convenient. I often ignore (cut them some slack) their iFunny and Youtube viewing. When the end of each week comes, they always manage to get their homework done.
As I sit here writing this post, watching my boys, and canceling out the loud coffee shop noises, I believe I have figured out how to set up a Youtube Channel. My Google account links to Youtube. I start setting up my account. I can’t! I am SO distracted by my HUNGER! I had to stop. I literally hear my stomach growl through my noise-canceling headphones. Dave bought the boys non-caffeine Frappuccinos for Frappuccino Happy Hour. They cannot be as hungry as I am.
Moments ago and after Wet-wiping our sticky, coffee-spill covered tables, Dave told me, “It is too loud!” His comment was enough. I stood up, walked around the tiny Starbucks, and found him another spot. As I called him over, of course I had to Wet-Wipe his new table too. Now he is in the back on a conference call. We persevere.
Wait. I see that the Youtube Channel is attached to my non-crazyus email account. I think that means I need to create a new account. Hungry people have done way more than what I am doing now. I will find a way. I must. I am embarrassed to tell you how easy it was. Eli has removed his headphones, and is staring at Kyle’s computer. I look at Kyle’s computer. OMG, he is actually doing homework. Eli yawns and whispers, “I want to go.” So do I. Instead I point him back toward his laptop. Dave taps me on the back. He is done with his call and ready to go. I ask him to wait. While Dave grabs his laptop bag, I ask the boys if they are doing homework. Kyle leans forward and says, “Mom, they are making me read a story I read in Seventh Grade.” He tells Dave then same thing. Dave taps my back again and puts his arm around me. “I am just trying to find one more thing and then we can go.” I say. At that Eli jumps and starts packing up his stuff. As he winds his cords, Dave wanders urgently through the store. I point my right arm in the direction to the bathroom. My hunger slows my brain. “Don’t get h’angry. Don’t get h’angry.” I think. I need to eat. Dave is now sitting down. Kyle announces, “I am not ready. I am in the middle of something.” Eli leans against the window. Dave looks at his laptop. I can only think of my desperately hungry stomach. I take a deep breath. I ask Dave to book us a hotel for tonight and to look for some end-of-May travel deals.
Just this morning I called my mom to check in. “We are in Salt Lake City.” I tell her. I am happy she is glad. “Hey, maybe I should write a memoir about these past three months.” I continue, “I mean, who is crazy enough to take their boys out of school, attempt to move to San Francisco, have the plan change and remain in a holding pattern this long?” Travel rocks. I am glad we yanked our boys out of school. Not knowing where we will land, however, is a little less delightful.
This is our vagabond life.
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Sidebar: The three most valuable smartphone apps for a roadtrip: Google Maps, Yelp, and GasBuddy. Gasbuddy is a crowdsourced record of how much gas costs at different stations. It’s easy to find a station selling gas for 10-12 cents lower than gas from stations a block away.
Sidebar: Don’t neglect your AAA discounts. In Utah, the ubiquitous Maverick gas station offers a 4 cent per gallon discount for swiping your AAA card at the pump. AAA is generally worth it for the hotel discounts alone, but this is icing on the cake. Check out your local AAA chapter’s website. There are other gas stations that offer discounts.
Sidebar: Starbucks has promotions, like the current 2 for 1 Frappuchino deal, and many of them are exclusive to Gold card members. You earn gold by buying 30 drinks within 12 months. The most lucrative gold perk is free refills on tea and brewed coffee. I often buy a green iced tea (Venti size for about $2.75) then refill it throughout the day. Once I’ve bought 12 teas, I get a free drink or food item. We usually spring for a sandwich ($5.95). So you spend $33 to get 36+ teas, and get a $6 sandwich for free. Not bad if you’re a green tea addict like I am.
We checked out of our hotel a day early. Here is the (hilarious) exchange the front desk guy and I had as I shared our early departure news.
Front Desk Guy: “I want to get this right. So you are saying that you are checking out early because you do not like the snacks in the Club Room?”
Me: “That is correct.”
Front Desk Guy: “Ok then.”
I told him I thought he was cool for not pursuing his line of question, thanked him, I think he tried not laugh, and I did (only a little). Then I walked over to Kyle, who was waiting for me on the hotel lobby couch. I laughed out loud — again. Kyle and I left and walked down the hall. “Should I be embarrassed?” I said, and continued, “I mean, I told the guy we were leaving because of the snacks were not good.”
“Isn’t that the truth?” Kyle responded.
“Yes, it is true. We are overwhelmed with the Indian Wells Hyatt Club so we decided to hit the road.” I said.
“I think you should own it.” Kyle suggested.
I cheekily offered Kyle a Valley-Girl-lacking-enunciation-skills example, “Ew, Hy’t umh, liek yourh snas are g’hross.” [translation: ew, Hyatt, um, like, your snacks are gross!]
“No really. Mom, Just say it in a normal voice.” He said in sort of a serious way. Although he was amused, he wanted me to know that any reason is ok. What a great kid! He continued, “Have confidence in your words.”
Hyatt Regency Indian Wells
Before the whole front-desk-guy-snack-exchange Kyle and I spent time roaming the resort. In thirty minutes time we found the villas, Kyle pointed out a lovely grapefruit tree, we roamed onto a dirt path and somehow landed on a path that paralleled the “active” golf course. We were on the path for maybe three minutes, when golf security raced over to us (I did not know the high speed golf cart racing to us was actually being driven by golf security at the time, by the way). He hopped out of his cart, and concerned he said, “You guys stay behind me.” He paused. Looked around, and continued, “Wait until that women hits her ball. Then it will be safe. Those things are dangerous.” We avoided the balls and waited until it was safe. Then we walked back up through trees while admiring the lovely desert landscape, and rounded our way back to the front of the hotel.
In minutes, we made our way back up to the Club Room. We double checked. We wanted to make sure the snacks were lame before we made our decision. It only took one look to know. Yes, the snacks were lame. Sure, if all we wanted was bottled water, juice, tea, coffee, and cans of soda (or is it pop), we would be set. There was also a small nut assortment. They called it the make-your-own-trail-mix area. Regarding the make-your-own-trail-mix area? Where were the chocolate chips and M&M’s hiding? And at the very least, where was the dried fruit? Craisin? Come on. Along with the trail mix, if memory serves me correctly, there were also tiny apples, some nice cookies, and that is about it.
Truth is, it wasn’t just about the mid-day snacks. We had specifically selected this resort because we get free access to the club room, where food is served ’round the clock. Keeping hungry teenagers fed is expensive when on the road, so a good club room can be a great money-saver. That’s why we paid a little extra to stay at a nicer hotel like this particular Hyatt. We’ve stayed at some hotels where the club serves a seemingly never-ending cavalcade of culinary delights. This hotel was not one of those places. After checking in, we stopped by the club for their evening snacks. It was a dish of cobbler and cookies. The breakfast that morning was nice looking, but limited, with a tray of soggy breakfast sandwiches and a strange array of cheeses and lunchmeats. a big disappointment after the great breakfast buffet at the Hyatt in Anaheim. So not being impressed with the mid-day snack started a conversation about how we really had exhausted everything that particular hotel had to offer, and we were ready to move on.
As I grabbed a bottle of water, I fantasized about that one time we tagged along on Dave’s business trip to a conference at the Hyatt Regency in Maui, and consequently one of the work perks was the Hyatt Club Room. Let me tell just say, if you want a good club room, a club room that gives you proper snacks, I suggest Hyatt Regency Maui. No. I have not been asked to review these hotels. If you notice I am putting one Hyatt against the other.
(In theory), as much as we love the Hyatt Regency Indian Wells, CA, and even in spite of the whole snack issue, the lovely, sprawling golf resort is not our speed. My very favorite phrase of this Hyatt-Indian-Wells experience: “Mom, I do not understand why people would build a hotel around a golf course.”
“Kyle, I have no idea, but they sure make a lot of money.” I responded. And of course our conversation led to a protracted discussion about hotel stays, and giving opinions on hotel stays. Ultimately and obviously we both agreed that we should leave the golf resort reviews to someone who actually golfs.
We packed up, and were on our way. After the quickest trip through Joshua Tree National Park, we made our way to Vegas. I think I may have even seen a Joshua Tree. I am still not sure. Between the stress of losing two pairs of shoes, our hours of shared hunger, singing out loud for a very long time, and the setting sun, Joshua Tree could have been anywhere really. Thankfully, we have been there before. And even though it was like eight billion degrees the last time we were there, at least we saw many Joshua Trees and Cholla cacti. I also took many pictures, pictures I will use now so I can simply pretend I saw the same flora and fauna today.
Joshua Tree National Park Today [wink wink]Now here in Vegas I sit. We are nestled in our hotel, and planning on being here for the next two nights. It is an MGM Brand Hotel (The Vdara), and again our lengthy-hotel-stay-high-status is serving us well. We received a lovely room upgrade accompanied by an awesome Vegas views. The boys think they are in heaven and I am glad to go to bed. Goal today write complete. Good Night! It is 2:36 AM.
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Sidebar: Hyatt is a partner with MGM Brand hotels. MGM brand hotels will status match with Hyatt and also give you Hyatt points for your stay. Make sure to sign up for both Hyatt’s and MGM’s (M Life) reward’s programs.
Sidebar: You might have to live at the Hyatt like we did to earn Diamond status, but the Hyatt Credit Card gets you Platinum status and 2 free nights at any Hyatt. The United Mileage Plus Club Card also gives you Hyatt Platinum. Unfortunately, Hyatt Platinum is pretty weak. No free breakfast, and the “preferred” room upgrades on offer will not get you the kinds of upgrades they’ve been giving us since we earned Diamond.
Sidebar: Late in the evening and off-season can be some of the best times to see the beauty of the national parks without the crowds. If you like national parks, you should seriously consider an annual pass for $80, which will get you into most federal fee areas. Then do yourself a favor and try to visit as many of them as you can in a year.
Hyatt Regency Indian Wells Hospitality Suite Dining Room Table
I could talk about both – real life and Hyatt’’s Diamond Status, that is. Let me address dealing with our real life on the road first. Earlier today I received some unsettling news. I wish the yummy breakfast or the fact that the boys were finally sleeping in a room they were not sharing with their parents was enough. It wasn’t. I tried to push this news aside and to tell myself, “hey, we are at Disneyland. You have all the free Zen tea you can drink, because there is a Starbucks inside of this hotel.” Nope. My manipulations did not work either. Instead I decided I must face this unsettling information head on. I spent two hours on our hotel couch and another two in our hotel bathroom trying to make sense of it all. Somewhere between hour one and hour four I reminded myself, “just because you are on the road and having fun, life does not stop.” It didn’t and I did my best to address it. The cool thing about traveling during these moments is spaces are small, people are moving and time is limited. Take the time to address things and then remember to put them aside so you can enjoy the ride.
Now on to Hyatt’s Diamond Status: In the interest of full disclosure I can tell you that a perk of living in the same hotel for a very long time is that you will eventually achieve top-tier elite status. In particular, Hyatt’s top tier, Diamond, comes with some very appealing perks. I am still deciding if the emotional consequences of four people living in the same very small space to get the status was worth it. Yesterday, I thought the long Emeryville Hyatt House living was worth it in exchange for our very cool Anaheim Hyatt Regency stay. The free breakfast was awesome and our room upgrade rocked. Today I am on the fence.
Currently we are staying at the Hyatt Regency Indian Wells Golf Resort (Palm Springs). We do not golf, and are staying at a resort built around a very large golf course. Kyle keeps asking, “why do they build resorts based on such a boring sport?” Oh son, if you only new.
The Desk and Eli’s Sleeping Area
Currently I am sitting in chair in our hotel suite living room. And after starving all day (really, all afternoon), and then inhaling a most bizarre Whole Foods strawberry, chia seeds, almond and coconut milk pudding concoction, I really may puke. I am actually serious. I may literally (not figuratively) barf and I am hoping it is red. Here is why I am hoping I barf red. I think the Strawberry will help. See, after seeing the red barf picture my friend just posted on Facebook, and after witnessing a young girl vomit red all over Disneyland last night, I want to go three for three. So vomit you had better be red. Ew! And in my super pukey state, Eli keeps asking me stuff and more stuff: “Mom, come here. Mom, I need the password. Mom, where do I put my dirty clothes? Is this my allergy medicine? Mom!” I feel bad, because I keep grunting and then shooing him away. Poor teen. He has no idea his mom is about to puke. (by the way and later on, my stomach settled. There will be no three for three, at least, not tonight.)
Our hotel suite living room
Alas, as I sit in this very large hospitality suite I ponder our current reality. You see, one of the perks our Diamond status affords us is room upgrades. We also are entitled to Club Room access where available. I will let you know how the Club Room food is. And tonight we hit the crazy mother lode of room upgrades. If only they had upgraded us to the $1,000-something-or-othe-dollar-a-night villa [wink wink] – if only. And even without the villa upgrade, this particular room upgrade is something I am having a hard time processing. First, when I say large, I mean, really, really crazy huge! Regarding the décor, even though the room is circa 2000, it feels more circa 1986 in a fancy Ferris-Bueller’s-grandparents-sort-of-way. I feel the urge to make a highball, martini or smoke an unfiltered cigarette. Our crazy room contains glass coffee, end, and lamp tables, a giant wooden dining table, wooden furniture, vases in all shapes and sizes, a china cabinet, two desks, an office, yes, an office, complete with a computer that was quite fancy when it was new, two slightly gaudy bathrooms, two new television sets placed in old TV cabinets, all sorts of lights on set on dimmer switches, a make-up area between the bed and the bath. I love the space. I love all the chairs. I am mixed on the outdated-ness and disappointed with poor use of all of this space. For starters, we only have one bed. Yes. One bed! We have everything you COULD NOT imagine, enough space for a very large family, yet only one bed. Seems impractical, and we decided to give up our giant room and asked for a room with enough beds. To our surprise, when we asked to move to a room with enough beds, the girl giggled and said, “these are the only suite types we have.” I am not sure that is true, but that is what she said. We now have two rollaways. Eli’s is in the office and Kyle’s is behind the couch.
The Make-up Area on the Left
“Mom, you need to write about this place.” Kyle says. Now I am.
The third Diamond Perk is late check-out. I think this is my favorite perk. We do not have to exit the hotel until 4:00 PM. Tomorrow until 4:00 PM, we will bask in the grandeur of our room and maybe even enjoy a large meal at our huge dining room table. Perhaps I can get the outdated computer to work, or maybe even sit down while I apply my mascara in front of the oversized make-up mirror.
By the way our room is so big that when I scream for Dave he does not hear me. Wait. Maybe he doesn’t hear me because he does not understand lady voices [wink wink]. I love this man!
Moments later I hear Dave in the other room, “Oh there is a yoga matt here.”
Dave in our most awesome room
Sidebar: the Hyatt Diamond challenge (how we got fast tracked to diamond status) stay 12 nights in the next 60 days. You get diamond status for the rest of the year, plus 6000 bonus points. To get enrolled, you have to be sponsored by a hotel. The sales manager at the Hyatt House in Emeryville signed us up.
Sidebar: free tea refills at Starbucks with the Gold card
Sidebar: the perks of Hyatt diamond (as-available room upgrades, free club access or breakfast in hotels with no club, late checkout, bonus points, 4 guaranteed suite upgrades, various other perks at the discretion of the hotel, such as free parking.
Good thing we did not have any idea how the day would end when it began.
E and I at Toy Story Mania, Disneyland
“May the fourth be with you, Kyle.” I laugh and say out loud. Kyle and I are currently leaning against the wall of California Adventure’s Toy Story Mania ride while we wait for Dave and Eli. A sea of Star-Wars-shirt-wearing theme-park goers stream by, which of course prompts me to ask, “Kyle, doesn’t Disney own Star Wars?”
“Yeah.” He responds.
“I thought so.” I say.
And then I ask, “How do you spell, yeah?” (That is really where my thoughts went next and that is really what I asked him.) “Is it, “yah?” or is it, “yea?”
He turns his head toward my ear and slowly utters the letters, “y – e – a – h.”
We both laugh.
Stilling waiting and still overwhelmed with various Star Wars T’s, I still cannot see Dave or Eli. I know they are somewhere in that winy, long line. While thinking of our impending ride, which is basically a moving video game, I say, “Dad always wins Toy Story Mania, (and he did again today — twice).“
“Yes. Yes he does.” Kyle, not looking away from his phone, replies. And because Kyle is about a foot taller than me, once he does look up from all things iFunny, he can see Eli and Dave. ,”Hey look, they are way over there and are a half an hour away,” (more like ten minutes).
Wait. Let me back up. Moments ago Kyle and I walked to the California Screamin’ ride. We were supposed to meet Dave and Eli there. They ran ahead to get California Screamin’ Fast Passes. And after relieving myself I was relieved to hear that Dave and Eli had moved on and were waiting for us in the Toy Story Mania line. As Kyle and I walked to catch up, we both realized and then said out loud that we were a little nervous to let anyone know that we were at Disneyland — again. Truth is we go to Disneyland often, and here is why. We have Season Passes. A friend whose parents live in Southern California recommended buying them years ago. Season Passes cost the same (approximately) as paying full price for three days . This is our second round of Season Passes. And because we happen to be in LA, we thought we should use them before the Summer black out days are starting soon.
So today we are at Disneyland.
And moments before Kyle and I tried to find Eli and Dave at the Toy Story Mania ride, our Uber driver (dude wearing hipster glasses and getting a masters in English), dropped us off at the front entrance to Disneyland. As we neared the end of our trip, he sheepishly announced, “you are my first ride.”
To which Dave boldly responded, “You’ve done well.” To which I wanted Dave to say, “live long and prosper,” but that is a Star Trek colloquialism, not Star Wars, so really not appropriate for May the fourth, right? Instead Dave followed his uber-driver-you-have-done-well with a, “we will make sure to give you five stars.” And Dave quickly followed his fives-stars comment with, “We know how important the ratings are?” Yes. Ratings are what seem to drive humanity. Nevertheless, and kind of an aside, interestingly enough, $4.00 is the total we paid from our Hyatt Regency Garden Grove hotel to theDisneyland front gate. In contrast to the Disney Anaheim shuttle, which is $4.00 a person. And another complete aside, if you’re a Diamond at Hyatt, which we happen to be, because the Hyatt House Emeryville is the hotel we have been living at for enough days to qualify us for Diamond status, stay at the Hyatt Regency when you visit Disneyland. As they say, “we treat you like royalty,” and they mean it. Ask for Keyonna. She is delightful and wise. Be nice to her and I promise she will take care of you.
Back on track and now trying to undo the chain so we can stand with Dave and Eli, in the spirit of the day I hear, “Have you ever had a Wookie cookie?” I hear Dave and the boys laugh, and am too busy thumbing all these words into my tiny phone screen to look up. Then the answer, “They are kind of Chewie.” I am not sure if the additional laughter was true enjoyment or conciliatory, but the next words I heard were chastisement, and those words were directed toward me.
“Scotty relax!” I say in good fun to Scotty, the friendly Disney sweeper, who just chided me for texting instead of paying attention to his chain trick and accompanying joke. What he didn’t realize and why should he, is that I was actually writing his joke while he was telling his joke. “You missed it!” He hollered and then laughed.
We moved on and then I heard Dave announce, “Ok. Seven more minutes.”
“What? Of course!” I respond, because I assume Dave is using an iPhone app to estimate the line time.
“We will see how accurate the line estimate is?” Dave continues.
I turn around and as Dave (gently) swats Eli away, I ask, “Dave, is there a line estimate app?”
“Yes there is, but I have deleted it.” Dave responds.
“How are you estimating the line time?”
“The signs.” He says.
Eli places the yellow plastic pair of 3-D glasses on my head and continues to bump into me. Is it because I am not paying attention, looking down and typing feverishly into my phone? Probably.
We are almost at the front. Thank god Eli wants to ride with me. Dave will win. We all know he will win. Eli puts his arm around me and says, “I am going with mom.” Then he whispers into my ear, “then we can tell Dad you won.”
Somewhere along the way, the ride stops working and the targets for our silly, pull-the-string-to-shoot video game guns stop working.
Toy Story Re-Ride Passes
I tell the Disney lady and she hands us four “re-ride” passes. I am grateful for the do over and I begin to think of all the ways someone can game the system and why gaming the system really takes the joy out of freebies and do-overs. I think of the words I tell myself in these moments, “Be nice. Don’t take advantage. Don’t vulture. Don’t demand! And mostly, do not place the proverbial hair in your food to get a free meal. Bottom line. Do not act entitled and Do not be shameless. The end.”
Literally thinking about my hair-in-the-food metaphor reminds me to ask Dave, “Did you make a dinner reservation?”
“Oh no!” Dave says.
“What’s the restaurant called?” I ask.
“It’s the Cafe Orleans.” Dave responds as he opens the Disneyland website on his phone. We cannot got to Disneyland without Monte Cristos.
“You can tell them you are Gluten Free.” He contines.
“Really?” I ask.
As Dave makes his online reservation, I think of all the haters, and I want to say, “Sure, you can make fun of gluten free people like me. Alas, when you are really Celiac, or as I say, ‘not fake allergic,’ it is a relief knowing that people will accommodate. And in truth, it is awesome to be accommodating even if you are say, simply not in the mood to eat Gluten that day.” I am glad I could tell them gluten free in advance, and yes it made a difference.
Our day continues. We plan on being at Disneyland until 10 PM (like we always do). I sit by Dave for our Toy Story Mania re-ride. The game ends with Dave winning, and me saying, “You’ve never gotten the beaver?” To which Dave says, “I always get the beaver. Sometime I get the cat.”
Selfies on our way to Space Mountain
We find ourselves in Disneyland. In truth we started our day in California Adventure. And as Kyle and I find ourselves walking side by side again from behind we hear, “This is longer than I would wait for a Dole Whip.”Those are the words uttered by the hipster dude behind us, and he says them as he eyes both our Dole Whip and the super long Dole Whip line to our left. Kyle and I laugh. We laugh because we know.
“This is longer than we would wait too.” See, the quickest way to through Dole Whip line is always going in to the Tiki Room turn-style entrance. Outside of the turn-style you may wait thirty minutes, while inside you wait five. You don’t have to watch the show. It is simply another line to the yummy Dole Whip deliciousness.
Ok at this point in our Disneyland day I want our story to continue. We just finished both the Winnie and the Indian Jones rides. I could tell you how hilarious it was to ride that very slow paced Winnie-the-Pooh ride that scared the something out of both boys years ago. And I could tell you about trying to find Dave in the Indiana Jones line. He was racing back from getting Space Mountain Fast Passes. I could tell you how helpful the Disney folks were in reconnecting Dave to us, but I won’t.
Alas, moments after we left the Indiana Jones ride, and did not think twice that Dave was unable to get Space Mountain Fast Passes, we arrived at Thunder Mountain Railroad. The dude said, “this ride is closed.” We thought, “Oh no. Not another broken ride.” And then happily we worked our way over to Tomorrowland, snapping a billion selfies along the way. If we must, we were ready to wait in the long Space Mountain ride. As we walked up to the Tea Cups, a ride we always ride (even though it makes poor Dave sea sick — what a good sport), we heard, “Disneyland will be closed in five minutes,” or was it ten minutes? Regardless, and whatever, when does Disneyland close at 7:30 PM? And why didn’t the many friendly Disney folks warn us? Planet Disneyland was running at full-speed and then it came to a crashing halt.
Disneyland. I am not buying your, “We-only-stay-open-for-spring-breakers excuse. In the future and be warned. Check the hours before going to the park.
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