Two Pink Lines: The Beginning

Two Pink Lines
Two Pink Lines

Where do I begin?

I guess it was about a month ago. I was headed over with a requested (by Carol’s husband, Chris) a home-made vegetable cake for Carol’s birthday. This day is significant because according to my typical cycle, it was perfect timing for my period to start. I had my usual awful cramps and thought nothing of them. I almost stayed home, but instead, took a bunch of Advil, sucked it up and went over to celebrate my friend’s big day. Now looking back, I am guessing that these cramps were probably Implantation Cramps. Ah-ha!

Two Pink Lines

Obviously, my period never came. My cramps never really went away either.

Finally on May 20th, so Dave and I could get prepared for I.U.I., I decided to start taking Provera (to get my period started). As a precaution, before taking the Provera, I took a pregnancy test. (Provera would most certainly destroy a pregnancy). Now, keep in mind that my period has been late on several occasions. I have taken pregnancy tests before and they have always, always, always been negative. I didn’t think this time would be any different, especially considering the cramps, bloating and breast tenderness.

So on May 20th, as soon as I walked in the door, I ran to the bathroom, while Dave stayed outside with the boys. He had no idea what I was up to. I opened the package, reviewed the directions, and literally the second the pee hit the stick, I saw two bright pink lines.

[completely stunned] This can’t be happening. Is this a joke?

I walked to the entry way, asked Dave to come over, once he did, I showed him the pregnancy test. He smiled and kissed me (all good signs).

Honestly, and after trying for so long, I really could not believe my eyes. I still can’t. The next morning I called the doctor, who asked me to go in immediately so they could check my HCG and Progesterone levels. I also started taking Progesterone as a precaution and everything seemed good. And like the pregnancy clock my body appeared to be on, I began feeling really really sick.

The next day as Kyle, Eli and I sat in the theater waiting for Over the Hedge to begin, my cellphone rang. I left the boys with my friend and ran out of the theater. It was good news. My levels were good and the nurse told me to stop taking the Progesterone.

Then it happened. As pregnant as I felt the day before, the next day it all stopped — no more aching boobs, no more pukey feeling, just cramps, really bad cramps. I began to freak out and called the doctor. He recommended I come in for an ultrasound and go back on the Progesterone. He wanted to make sure I also knew that going back on Progesterone was no guarantee.

Kyle’s last day of school was June 1 and while he was having his last moments of kindergarten, Dave and I were at the doctor’s office waiting and waiting and waiting with all the other couples who were trying to conceive, for my ultrasound. The more we waited, the more I became unglued. I tried to focus on the People Magazine that I was reading and tried to care why Brad and Angelina are the most important parents ever. It wasn’t working. All I could see was how perfect and unreal Angelina looked. And then I wondered why every mom isn’t given all the free schwag that Angelina has been given. I mean, come on, a Moses Basket filled with over $3,000.00 worth of baby gear?

Forty-five minutes after our appointment was supposed to begin, they called us back.

Please take of your clothes from the waist down and cover yourself with this sheet. Have you emptied your bladder?

Yes, about three times.

The doctor came in and, nervously, as I watched him take a condom out of the wrapper and place it over the vaginal ultra-sound device, I made a joke about condoms and vaginal ultra-sounds, of course.

[his response -cheeky and light-hearted] Well, do you really think they need to design a special cover when we have all these condoms at our disposal?

Of course not.

As Dave and I stared at the screen, we saw the yolk sac and saw the tiny tiny embryo; all good news, or so we thought. The doctor desperately tried to find a heartbeat.

I see something, but it may just be all your blood vessels in your uterus. I just can’t be sure.

According to my dates, we should have been able to see a heartbeat.

And this is why I like my Reproductive Endocrinologist: He could see our despair and immediately asked us to wait for a minute. He ran to his office and grabbed a chart. He came back and asked me if I was sure that I ovulated on April 30th. He calculated and recalculated my dates and a bunch of probabilities.

Then he said:

Well look here. Between these days there is an incredible amount of growth. Even if your dates are off by four days, we may not be able to see the heartbeat yet. I hate do this to you, but I want you to wait a week so we can be absolutely sure. If the embryo is not viable, it won’t hurt you to have it in you for one more week . . . You are a really brave woman. I can’t imagine what this is like.

I reminded him about all the brave women in the waiting room and he kindly reminded me how me personally had been through a lot.

Dave and I left the office and joined Kyle and Eli at Kyle’s class picnic. The day before, Eli had announced to one of the Kindergarten moms that he was going to have a little brother or sister so when we arrived at the picnic, we had to fill everyone in. What a supportive bunch.

Somehow, someway, I made it another week. This time we only had to wait a half an hour for the doctor. The waiting room was not as crowded. I only saw one couple, where the man was holding this gigantic sperm-collecting take-home unit. It looked like a high-tech thermos. That was enough comic relief to get my mind off the news I was waiting for. The week before the doctor answered my direct inquisition by telling me that if the embryo was not viable, we would have the option of a D&C. In this case, because I had not bled at all, D&C was the preferred method of removal. I had convinced myself that we were there for a D&C.

They called us back. I emptied my bladder, remembering that even though I had emptied my bladder three times while waiting the week before, that it had filled up by the time I had my ultrasound. I am such a nervous bladder filler. We were more relaxed this time and literally the second the doctor inserted the vaginal ultra-sound device, he and Dave saw a heartbeat.

You really saw a heartbeat?


they both answered me.

See. Look. It is right there.

It was right there. Lub-dub, lub-dub, lub-dub.

I couldn’t believe it, a little clump of cells with a little beating heart. WOW!

Now, I don’t want to be a complete buzz-kill, but the doctor reminded us that we weren’t out of the woods, because of what he had been doing for that previous five minutes: He had been measuring the embryo at least eight or nine times.

It is really small.

he told us, but the sac and the embryo had grown from the week before and there was definitely a heartbeat.

He asked us to come in for another ultrasound and we all agreed to keep our fingers crossed. This week I am more nervous than last. Last week I felt super pukey every single day. This week I don’t feel very sick. Of course I am freaked out again. I think I will be freaked out at least until the next ultrasound, July 5 (The doctor will be out of town so we decided to wait until he gets back). We also agreed that if I do miscarry, we have done everything we can.

Yesterday we took the boys on a bike ride. Kyle cut in front of me, so I had to twist my bike and my body and stop really fast. Doing that crazy stopping motion, I pulled my hoo-ha muscle (for a lack of a better term). Today I am a little uncomfortable and have to keep reminding myself that the baby is fine, that I just had a hoo-ha accident.

Thank you all for your well wishes. Hopefully, everything is ok. I only wish I was more confident that it will be. Dave told me that I need to practice the power of positive thinking.

So, have any of you had morning sickness that comes and goes?

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49 thoughts on “Two Pink Lines: The Beginning

  1. Opps, I just mean yea you are pregnant not that morning sickness and all the other stuff is fun.

  2. I had morning sickness for about 4 days when I was six weeks along. Then it went away and I totally freaked out until I had an ultrasound (2 weeks later). Luckily, everything was/is still fine (currently 23 weeks). The first trimester is so nerve-racking, I will keep you and your family in my thoughts.

  3. Congratulations!! It brought back so many memories reading your post. I had two miscarriages, and then a successful pregnancy with my now four year old. I just had our second baby two and a half weeks ago, and the first three months of that pregnancy were terrifying. My morning sickness came and went and I even had spotting at 8 weeks and again at 10 weeks. Since spotting was how my two miscarriages began, I tried to brace myself for the worst. I was so sure I would lose this baby too. But, nine months later, we have a healthy baby girl. Just try to stay positive.

  4. When I was first pregnant, I had cramps, and then all my symptoms went away. I freaked and called my doctor, asking for an ultrasound. The nurse laughed at me, saying that was the funniest call she had received all day, and that I should count myself lucky for not having symptoms. Everything turned out fine for me, and I hope it does for you, too!

  5. Congratulations Beth!

    Add me to the list of those with morning sickness and then none. I was only mildly sick off and on for a couple of weeks at the very beginning, with one or two bad days thrown in. Then suddenly, nothing! Oh, and I had a lot of cramps through about week 9 or 10.

    I’m now 21 weeks, and everything looks good so far.

    I wish you the very best and hope the little embryo has a big growth spurt before your next ultrasound!

  6. Beth-I’ve been lurking for a long time, and thought this was an appropriate time to de-lurk and congratulate you! I am currently pregnant with my first baby, and I also ovulated on April 30-so we can keep each other company in all of the aches and pains and puking. I have also felt sickness off and on, as well as breast tenderness off and on. I’ll be sending lots of prayers your way! Good luck and try to relax!

  7. Beth, Congratulations! I miscarried in November of last year at about 7 weeks, and immediately got pregnant the cycle afterwards thanks to provera and clomid. With this pregnancy, I had nausea off and on for the first 9 weeks, no tiredness, and barely any cramping. I was FREAKING out! But, I am currently 27 weeks, and everything is looking good so far. I hope everything turns out fine for you!

  8. Congratulations on your viable belly bean!

    I have had 2 miscarriages in the past year. I am currently 7.5 weeks pregnant and I totally have the same symptoms. I agree with your husband, just try your hardest to think fluffy, healthy baby thoughts if you can. I seriously meditate every night on good stuff for my wee belly bean.

    Thinking the best I can for all of us pregnant, worried mammas.

  9. Yes my morning sickness came and went alot with Thomas. I’m pulling for you and I think Dave is onto something. Good thoughts, sweetie!

  10. I’ve always had really spotty (for lack of a better word) preg symptoms. Never morning sickness, but the boobs, tiredness came and went. It always freaked me out b/c I’ve had 3 miscarriages. But, I’ve got 2 fab kiddos now! I’ve been reading your blog for about 2 years and I don’t think I’ve ever commented before, but I just wanted to say congrats and I’ve really enjoyed reading!!

  11. Beth,
    I did have “morning” sickness that came and went; I wanted to tell you this as reassurance. I’m sure, even though your hoo-ha (love that word!) hurts, your little bean is doing just fine.
    Take care!

  12. First of all congratulations!! I am just a little ahead of you in the pregnancy (I ovulated around April 21). My “morning” sickness and other symptoms come and go too.

    I think those of us who have had trouble conceiving simply will not allow ourselves to believe our pregnancy could be easy–we keep waiting for something to go wrong. I went in to my first ultrasound expecting to have a D&C and saw a heartbeat.

    I am so happy for you.

  13. I’ve been in your shoes and yes, I’ve had both the sudden stop symptoms which was a bad sign and the inconsistent symptoms which meant nothing at all, and no symptoms which also meant nothing. Every pregnancy is different. Take courage. Best wishes.

  14. Hi Beth!

    Congrats on your baby bean! I just wanted to let you know that I had pregnancy symptoms (nausea, tender breasts and cramping) that would start and stop at the drop of a hat! I am now 30 weeks along, and the baby is looking good!

    I think everybody’s body is different, and that every pregancy can be different from one to the next!

    Good luck, and remember to BREATHE. 🙂

  15. CONGRATS Beth & Dave! Reading your post was like reliving the last few weeks. I am also currently prego, 8wks-1day today (edd Jan. 22). I won’t bog down this comment with my story, but very similar to yours except I’ve been lucky to have no m/s at all! I do however have to get daily Progesterone shots and weekly blood tests, but it’s all worth it. This will be our first and we’ve been trying for over 5 years. We have only told our immediate family and my close girlfriends so I’m posting this anonymously until after we hit 14 wks. Today at my 2nd u/s we saw the heartbeat for the 1st time! It’s so exciting…but so hard not to blog about it everday on my own site. It will be nice to keep up with you through out. Don’t stress, think happy thoughts.

  16. beth…

    i’ve been reading your blog for quite a while, just never commented. this story really struck me. my husband and i have been trying for 3 1/2 years. this has been the hardest 3 1/2 years i’ve ever experienced. we couldn’t really afford infertility treatments, but for the last year and a half, i’ve had an amazing dr who has been so supportive. we finally decided we would stop “trying.” well, i’m happy to say that i’m 15 weeks pregnant today! i’m due on dec 4. the only reason i took a test is because a good friend of mine thought she was pregnant and was a little freaked out by it. she said that she really hoped that i was, because she would need a buddy to go through the pregnancy with. so i took one, expecting the answer to be no, again. but it wasn’t!!

    congratulations…and by the way, my pukey-ness comes and goes. i’ll have it really bad for a day or two, then i’ll go for a couple of weeks before i feel it again.

    i hope you have a wonderful, amazing, healthy pregnancy.

  17. Congratulations! All my pregnancies were different. I was 12 weeks pregnant with my third child before I even figured it out, I even had a period (so I thought). I had no morning sickness with that pregnancy at all.

    I wish you an uneventful and wonderful pregnancy! And of course a healthy baby :).

  18. Oh Beth. I have no advice to give, as I’m not a mom, but I’m sending good thoughts and as many positive “Grow, Adams Fetus!” thoughts as I can.

  19. congratulations! i can’t imagine the roller coaster this must be. i really just can’t. but thank you for sharing your story.

    i’m praying for that sweet baby right now!

  20. Oh, yeah, honey, try not to worry. With the Boy I didn’t feel sick at all, except one week; with the Girl I only felt sick in the evening for a few weeks. So try not to worry just because of the Crazy Morning Sickness(tm).

  21. Beth,
    I am currently 11 weeks pregnant and my sickness comes and goes by the day. I too had to take progesterone and it made me more nauseous than I normally was. I had a miscarriage in February and am so nervous. Everything is going fine, but it’s so hard not to think that something could go wrong. I just try not to focus on that. I pray that everything goes well for you! Can’t wait until you get to see that little baby on the screen in July.

  22. When I was 8 weeks pregnant with Elle, I convinced myself I had m/c’ed because my symptoms completely and totally disappeared. It was horrid and I cried while they did an u/s because I just KNEW bad news were coming. Nope. She was fine. And the very next day I got pukey again. And then not. Over and over. It is maddening. Hang in there. I hope all is well with your little bambino! 🙂

  23. Wow, Beth. What else can I say? Modern medicine is freakin’ amazing. And it sounds like you have a terrific doctor.

    I’m saying a prayer for you!

  24. Congratulations!! I am sending good vibes your way!!

    As for the sickness, I am constently watching my symptoms and worrying that they are not as bad as they were the day before. Hang in there!!

  25. ABSOLUTELY! I would have relentless nausea for a couple of days – then feel fine – just calm….then out of the blue – wham!
    I even had that at about 6 mos into it to – ate GREAT meal – all the flavors were alive & I was groovin’ on the whole dinner – then without warning later – it was up and out!
    Breathe deeply alot – literally connect with your breath and w/your little bean in your belly….it will help you relax, and it will help little bean! Breath, is always a good thing….and don’t freak out – I did too – and so it makes sense…but baby bean is changing & growing and so is your body…it’s going to be like the ocean’s tide for a while…I am sending you and bean prayers and blessings ! I am SO thrilled for you! You are blessed!

  26. I just gave myself whiplash agreeing with the commentor above who said you are so strong. I’ve been fascinated by everyone’s comments, and relate to overinterpreting every little thing my body did during both pregnancies. (With my first, I was convinced my stomach was getting smaller for a few weeks and not larger!) And yes, I think I remember my nauseous and breast tenderness weakening and then coming back. Pregnancy is so psychologically nervewracking, esp. when you’ve been waiting so long for it to happen.

  27. You can add me to the list for 3-4 days of morning sickness, then none with my first baby. Then with my youngest, I didn’t have any sickness. My best friend, with her last 2 pregnancies, was sick for the whole 9 months. She actually lost weight with her babies and they still came out weighing over 8 pounds each. Sending good baby wishes and prayers up your way, take care and don’t stress. You have a house full of wonderful guys who will pamper and take care of you, I’m sure!!

  28. I feel so much better that many of you have had on-again/off-again, pregnancy symptoms. With Kyle, I was sick all the time for seven months. With Eli, I was not as sick. So maybe with every pregnancy, I won’t be as sick. Who knows. I am trying not to worry.

    Thank you. Thank you for helping me feel better about things.

  29. I never had morning sickness with my son. So – not everyone gets it.

    I am really sending good vibes your way because I know how much you want this. I believe everything will be fine. I truly do. You’re a good person and a good mom and you deserve to be happy.

  30. Yay, yay, YAY! Happy news indeed. So happy for you guys.

    With my boys, I had mild sickness that came and went. But the first time I was pregnant (I miscarried at about 8 weeks) I was sooooo sick every minute of the pregnancy. My doctor said it was because my horomones were up and down (which also may be why my pregnancy terminated on its own.) So I’ve always thought it was a good sign not to be constantly sick. But that’s just me.

    Also, with both boys, my doctor had me all worried at the beginning. Same thing as you, thought the baby should be further along/bigger then what they were calculating, told me I might possibly miscarry. I didn’t. And you know what? They each arrived two weeks earlier than when the doctor said they would, each over 8 pounds.

    I have come to the conclusion that doctors friggin’ guess most of this stuff. 😉

  31. Beth, I’ve totally missed reading your blog. And wowie, a lot has been going on! YES, my morning sickness was on again off again for FIVE MONTHS–but because I wasn’t using it as an omen for anything I was just abundantly greatful when it wasn’t there. So rest up on those days, relax and enjoy babe–that’s the best thing you can possibly be doing.

  32. Hi Beth, I don’t want to wish you a premature congratulations, but good luck and I am hoping for the best for you!

    I believe the term you want in reference to the free stuff given to celebrities is “swag.”

    But maybe you meant to make a joke with “schwag.”

  33. Beth and the rest of team CrazyUs, CONGRATULATIONS! Best of luck to you with your pregnancy. Try not to freak out too much about the morning sickness. I felt nauseous on-and-off with my first (a boy), and nauseous the entire pregnancy with my second (a girl). I think all pregnancies are different, so just hang in there!

  34. yay! i’ve been reading you for more than a year now through all of your struggles, and i am glad for you, dave, and the boys. all the best wishes, and keep us posted!

  35. I’m almost exactly as pregnant as you are, so I thought I, too, would de-lurk to send some positive thoughts your way.

    My Great Waves of Nausea have come and gone for the past several weeks, and this week I feel suddenly MUCH better. Plus, hungry is beginning to feel hungry again instead of nauseated, so that is a bonus. My biggest trouble this time (besides heightened IBS symptoms and hemmorhoids!) is the incredible fatigue. I have good days (besides the nausea waves) and then a day where I can’t wake up! I just need to sleep for hours and hours, and I’m really crampy on those days. Guess that’s a growth spurt.

    I was sort of in disbelief at first and having some negative thoughts about this pregnancy too, but it eventually passed to a faith that whatever happens will be okay in the end. Trying to think positive thoughts from here on out! But hearing a heartbeat would really help me about now… Soon.

    Good luck! Prayers your way.

  36. beth,
    congrates …and don’t worry…if its meant to happen it will happen

    i have had 2 miscarriages and i m just waiting to hear LUB DUB LUB DUB….as my last two miscarriages were because of no heartbeat ..hope is the only thing that i have …and i will pray to god that everything is fine with u …

    so u just hang in there ..and be positive .

  37. Oh please keep us posted! I am 7w1d and went in yesterday for my first ultrasound. We saw the heartbeat, but couldn’t get an accurate reading because of the placement of the fetus. They also mentioned the heart rate seemed sporadic – rapid one minute, slowing down the next. The dr. told me to be cautiously optimistic though becuase the fetus is only measuring 6w. He also told me I might not want to share this news just yet as the outcome is uncertain. I should also mention this pg is the result of IVF so we know the exact date of fertilization. I also miscarried last winter after an IVF so I’m really nervous! Anyone else have a positive outcome with a smaller than expected fetus?

  38. I have a healthy happy 3 year old son. It was a total shock when I miscarried in Feb 06 and then again at 7 weeks on June 25. I had major morning sickness w/ all three preg. So – morning sickness is more a result of the levels which also don’t prove it 100%. I would trust your doctor and try to relax. It sounds like everything is fine – you saw a heartbeat. That’s a major milestone. All my best –

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