The Summary: I am NOT AN IDIOT!

. . . So now here I sit in one of the many Salt Lake City Starbucks. My boys are down in Salt Lake City attending an afternoon art class. By the way, they LOVE it! Eli is making his very own two-sided ugly doll and Kyle is making a leather snake in honor of one very special baby Copperhead. Because this post has taken months to write, here I really sit at my kitchen island. Both boys are in bed asleep, Dave is at the computer slurping down a bowl of cereal, booking flights to Mexico. Ok, here is where I really sit. I am upstairs in my office. The sun is shining on my laptop and I am laughing out loud because Busy Mom found her debit card and finding her debit card is a call for treats. All I can think about is walking to the kitchen and slicing myself a giant piece of Gluten Free Cake. It is taking every ounce of self-control to remain at the keyboard.

For the past year in fits, starts and good intentions, I have been trying to re-launch my blog. Probably the biggest set back was Kyle’s long battle with Stevens-Johnson Syndrome. I have mentioned that we almost lost Kyle and that Kyle almost lost his eyesight. His eyes still give him trouble and his immune system is still not great. Just last week he had Strep Throat, Hand Foot & Mouth and an ugly Staph Infection on his upper thigh. Our journey is not over. And today, because Kyle was in the hospital exactly one year ago, this is a very tender time for us. In the coming weeks I will share our journey. While Kyle was sick we also learned very quickly that there just is not enough information out there about Stevens Johnson’s Syndrome and its lingering effects. I hope to change that, even a little.

In June when we started to accept that Kyle was going to be ok, my body decided to crash. One day I had a sinus infection. Two weeks later I had a miserable case of Pneumonia. I have never been that afraid for my own health. When your breathing is compromised, that is so freaking scary. I decided once again that crazyus.com could wait and that I needed to get myself well.
I spent the summer doing just that.

Stevens Johnsons Syndrome
Stevens Johnsons Syndrome
Kyle's Stevens Johnson Syndrome
Kyle’s Stevens Johnson Syndrome
Stevens Johnson Syndrome
Stevens Johnson Syndrome

Look at it this way. This is my story to tell.

So of course, I am grateful. I am for those people who will always hold a big space in my heart, like my lifers like Marianne and Melanie, like my Park City bestie, Beth, and my flip-flop wearing pal, MB. Thank you!  I have learned a lot. I am light. I am dark. I am not perfect. I am grateful and happy to be at it again.

We are good, not Facebook-Status-Picture-Perfect good, but really behind-the-scenes, good. The boys are well into the school year and I am ready to rumble. For now I will leave you with a quote my friend Stacey told me earlier today after discussing how we can help our boys navigate this crazy world. It’s a little sappy and I love it! Thank you Dr. Seuss!:

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”

― Dr. Seuss

 

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Free Falling


Here I go!

CrazyUS, I can finally, I mean, finally really say after nearly five years away from you that I have actually and truly missed you! I have missed our day to day connection. I really have.

You and I both know that in the past five years I have tried to come back to you, only to get sidetracked. I guess I was not ready to rekindle. I am hoping now that the ugly emotion has faded, I can just start new with you, my long lost, beautiful blog personified, friend.

You got me through the lonely days of early motherhood. You were this amazing conduit into the online world at time where blogging was so new and so unchartered. Advertising on you would have seemed silly back then, and thinking that every single person I knew would somehow have their own blog too, seemed so completely far fetched (even if their blogging was only done on Facebook). I was so mistaken.

I am hoping, CrazyUS, that enough time has passed, that old wounds have healed or simply disappeared, and what remains is the reason I came to you in the first place. You gave me a space to put all those thoughts and opinions that were milling around in my brain and of course, I thank you!

Deliriously Pontificating

Apparently that is me sleeping. he he
Apparently that is me sleeping. he he

August 21, 2009

Religion
Cereal
Toilets
Mistakes
Healthcare & Dave
Get over it

In those moments while I am thinking myself to sleep, I write the most eloquent thoughts. The confidence that escapes me during my waking hours comes out with the beautifully written paragraphs that are racing through my brain. In those hazy minutes, I know exactly how to define my religion or lack there of and am proud of the path I have chosen. I can fully articulate past mistakes and neatly tie those mistakes into resolution. I know how to tell people in my life, my friends and family not to worry or take offense with the personal words I place on the page. I can present my reality in such a way that everyone reading can completely understand why I would not share every single detail of my struggle [insert struggle here] with the world when I am on a dinner date or running into [insert friend’s name here] at the grocery store. In my sleepy head, I am able to convey why it is so easy to spew all of these details in written words and in my head, everyone totally gets it. “Would you really think it was appropriate if I were to bring up how frustrated I was with my inability to make sure Dave was in the mood on the exact moment I was ovulating? And then go on and on about my age, my eggs, my lining, my hormones, which would of course open up a can of unresolved past issues, most certainly having something to do with infertility?” I just don’t think you would. On my mind’s page, in those dark hours, it makes sense, I mean, my words make sense and they make sense to everyone.

The Boys August, 2009
The Boys August, 2009

I could most definitely arrange my thoughts on health care reform and share why I think Dave is so brilliant: “I think both sides need to research and look at each other. I don’t think either one of them have it right.”

I often think I should keep a notebook or my laptop near my bed just to capture these most awesome revelations. Actually, I have. And when morning comes I read what write — mostly incoherent thoughts, thoughts that I would be hard pressed to make sense out of. Why then do my words seem so spectacular then?

Maybe because I am asleep.

Pete Ashdown and Six Tablespoons of Blood

Pete Ashdown

The other day a friend of ours noticed the Pete Ashdown sign in our yard. (Pete Ashdown is running against Orrin Hatch here in Utah in this year’s race for the US Senate, by the way).

Ashdown doesn’t stand a chance in hell of winning? You know that all these silly Democrats are really fooling themselves if they really think that he does.

Whether he does or he doesn’t stand a chance in hell, don’t you think it is important for someone out there to at least try to break the Orrin Hatch Dynasty? Wouldn’t it suck if everyone just sat on their asses and complacently accepted the status quo? Don’t you think it is important to at least have hope, hope that someday, someone, like Pete Ashdown, may actually defeat Orrin Hatch?

Thankfully, our friend is not someone who takes things sitting down. Instead, he is a person who actually knows how to make change and knows how to get my goat. Nevertheless, his Pete Ashdown vs. Orrin Hatch comments got me thinking. . .

And thinking is all l I have been doing since I saw the empty embryonic sac on my ultra-sound.

Continue reading “Pete Ashdown and Six Tablespoons of Blood”

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