Hey there! It’s been a minute. Happy 2026!
I have no idea if online posts are real or just some form of AI Slop – (“AI Slop” is also Merriam Webster’s 2025 word/phrase of the year). With Social Media so full of this SLOP, I decided I wanted to be a real human who blogs/writes publicly (finished another draft of my memoir recently). I’m craving authenticity! Sure, my words might fall into a vortex only to be read by my husband and bots. Nevertheless, I love to write. I love to express myself. I promise reliable and relatable truth. I hope you will find me. I hope you will engage.
Recently, I learned that because CrazyUs Dot Com is so old (birthed in 2002), it has a high Google Trust Worthiness Ranking System, which I thought was really cool; (or possibly meaningless, depending on who you ask). Dave (my husband) and I have been talking about the experience of being an Old Time-y Blog or website. He started OS News Dot Com in another century. It still has like 2 million monthly visitors.
My children are grown and living their own lives. Like a million years ago, on the daily, I used to regale the world with stories about raising two precocious little boys. Each day brought new joy, like son-guided safaris equipped, including sippy cups & winter hats, poop painted walls, or homemade robot costumes fashioned out of cardboard boxes. I had no idea that establishing CrazyUs way back then would help us maintain a solid online footprint. I mean, it was an era before social media where people in real time would reach out and long form comment or respond via email, and then we would email back and forth for days, building beautiful friendships. YES! Email! I miss that time, which seems like a blip on the radar of technology’s progress, because it was a blip.
I’m (so) much older now. Many of you have zero idea what a blog or a Mommy Blog is and that’s totally ok. Anyway, back when I was a Mommy Blogger, I personally came to know my audience, considering many of my readers’ real life friends. I loved sharing joys and heartaches and looked forward to my daily real human connections. I loved talking with other parents about their children. I was moved to tears by others’ stories of infertility, which I was also experiencing. I found a community of women and men who really seemed to care about one another – because they did care about each other – on a personal level. Back when we were trying to decide if it was safe to enter our credit card number to make an online purchase, blogging was this bright light in a sea of the new World Wide Web.
Somewhere in there my best friend, Heather (Dooce.com) – who died in 2023 by suicide – may she rest in peace – well, somewhere in there, she and I had a famous online breakup (a burn-it-to-the-ground falling out, which I have learned since was just her style. I was the first on her long road of burning bridges.) She often protested,
“Beth, I am the bane of your existence.”
She was not the bane of my existence. I only wish whatever was broken hadn’t clouded the love and admiration I had for her. Selfish, I know. I’m a classic adaptive caretaker / enabler. Heather (Dooce) and I, in-therapy-speak, were a toxic match. In those early years, she was cool, well spoken, thoughtful and such a great writer, a fabulous friend, and yes, eventually she became mean, vindictive, paranoid and progressively unhinged. What a heartbreaking loss! She and I never reconciled. I hope if there is a life after this one that she has found peace. Nevertheless, Heather (DOOCE) absolutely owned Mommy Blogging. We all knew it and loved-hated her for it.
That is possibly why Beth of the early aughts was no match for Heather/Dooce’s power and influence. As it turned out, Beth-of-yesterday ran away and stopped blogging.
I moved (literally). When the air cleared, I realized my pain was never about blogging. That is when I decided it was time to break the unhealthy generational cycles within my own family of origin, (where my significant pain lies). Thanks to therapy, boundaries, a husband who is committed to work through the shit, and two amazing children, I’m absolutely wiser, stronger and happier. I feel joy. I drink coffee, (the Mormon thing because Mormons aren’t supposed to drink coffee, but can binge out on Red Bull. Make that make sense.) I no longer hide who I am. I feel like me. Sure, there are wrinkles. Some of my family no longer speaks to me. It balances out, because there are other family members I have chosen not to speak to. Consequently, these days those of us who do speak usually keep it about the weather or our health.
Here is a truth: Beth-of-Yesterday may have remained a blogger had she been more confident and had not relied so heavily on the support of her family. Feeling supported was a tall ask. It makes sense why yesterday-Beth caved when her husband proclaimed,
“Blogs don’t make money!”
Beth-of-yesterday’s mom frequently shared,
“What you write hurts and embarrasses our family.”
Of course I couldn’t see what I had. I ran from future opportunities like my blog moving me into some sort of social media job. I ran from my community, which I do regret! I realized years ago that I could never reclaim that moment because that particular Mommy-Blog-Hailey’s-Comment time and opportunity will never come again.
What I can do is serve as a cautionary tale: TRUST YOURSELF! IF YOU CAN, FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS, even when your dreams make others uncomfortable!
What makes me happy is Beth-of-Today! She has grace. She understands that her husband had no clue how much money bloggers could make as they transitioned into influencers and that Beth-of-Yesterday should have pushed back on the patriarchy so-to-speak and listened to her own innate instincts. Alas, Beth-of-Yesterday was raised in a patriarchal religion by a mom who really thinks men are our bosses. I absolutely wish Beth-of-Yesterday had not given her power away to her best friend, her mom or her husband. Regardless, I have compassion for young Beth. I didn’t get it! I didn’t see that I was enough! My therapist often suggests that I was raised not to get it; and that actually I was conditioned to give my power away, (because I was. I mean, look at Mormon theology: men are literally the patriarch of the home).
I’m still working on forgiving myself.
What I can tell you is that since way back when, I’ve come to learn that I carry and abundance of fear and shame, which I’ve carried from a time before I had the words to say that I felt worthless and afraid. Consequently, my relationship with my family really had nothing to do with the words I wrote online. And in fact, keeping their secrets has arguably made things worse. I will probably always be working on shaking the fear and shame. What I finally see, however, is that my family, including me, is strong. We are survivors! We will survive regardless if I publicly share one of our uncomfortable moments.
As far as all-of-me goes, it makes sense that had I kept blogging, I would have moved into a career in social media — like so many other Mommy Bloggers did, which is another loss I’ve had to grieve. Agism is real and I don’t have a time machine.
As far as what I write, I’m certain that I cannot buffer everyone from the pain my word choice might evoke. I’m sure my revelations will hurt, embarrass or offend someone. They inevitably do. Then again, is anyone even reading?
To my family: Please know that I don’t want to hurt you.
I’m here. I’m real. I hope you will read. If I hurt you or you don’t like what I say, I hope you will talk to me. Let’s keep this going. Happy New Year. With love. xx Beth
PS Dave, if you are my only reader, I am grateful you are here reflecting back my words. What a gift.
